you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
