thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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