My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
