vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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