Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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