you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
