You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
