I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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