i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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