I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my shit smells like andre
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
