i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
