Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
