I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
