come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
