I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
