What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
