wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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