Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
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It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i think i just lost a toe
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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