atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize