Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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