I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Randomize
