i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
