I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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