You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
