How'd it feel making her break her religion?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
