hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
