"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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