too bad you live with your parents still
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
