someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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