But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
