is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
