I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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