i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
