Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
