It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
