I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Quick, to the slutcave!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
