I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
