I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
