that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If I die, sorry about rent.
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