he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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