we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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