apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
operation have a gay friend backfired
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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