His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
