We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
