i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
