hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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