wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
