Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
