god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
well you can't waste a boner
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
