I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
