tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
