Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
