He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
