Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You have to summon your inner elephant
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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