I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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