guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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