My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
