remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Jerry, you need to find god
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
