K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
