sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
