I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
