I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
