The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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