she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
