WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
