so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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