You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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