you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
