Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
